I know Rollie loves tools, but...
UPDATE – June 14: Thank you all for the witty comments. It was a tough choice, but I picked the caption by Dzunner (on June 7):
“When Powermatic decided to enter the electric razor market, there were bound to be a few design obstacles.”
I’ll be shipping out the prize next week.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Here’s another caption contest from FWW. I caught contributing editor Rollie Johnson having “a moment” with a belt sander. Give it your best shot to win a new CommandMax sprayer from Homeright (reviewed in the latest issue of FWW–#220). The winner will be chosen, by me, on June 14.
To get ideas churning, here’s Rollie with the first take: “Start your morning with a 60 grit caress.”
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I know Rollie loves tools, but...
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The best captioin writer wins this sprayer.
Comments
I love the sound of a sander in the morning ?
Looks like Bilbo Rollie is tring to shave again.
"Nothing gives a closer shave than 60 grit."
"If you adjust the tension just right...you can hear it play 'Rockabye Baby' against my chin."
And that doctor wanted $75 to remove the mole…..HA!
This is my shaving technique from the hot-rod industry known as "Scary Smooth".
The best way to shave since ..... broken glass
I've found that the tools run sweetly if you just give them a little hug. Watch out for the chisels, though.
I do love that sweet caress from my baby in the morning!
Now for a little acetone after shave.
I know I can't compete - as a member of the staff - but I needed to add my caption:
"Don't worry, baby, that Festool sander is just temporary...just temporary....daddy still loves you."
I love this new trac-one-million multiblade razor!
If this is wrong, I don't want to be right .
No more razor burn!
"Ouch, ouch, ouch... thought I clipped that chin hair closer than that!
Ahhh... not as good as my cat, but it will do.
His cheek
Was rough
His chick vamoosed
And now she won't
Come home to roost
Belt-Sander
When Powermatic decided to enter the electric razor market, there were bound to be a few design obstacles.
Mmmmmmm...power tools....an issue of Fine Woodworking....a belt of terpentine....my imaginary girlfriend...
Ah, just a touch above high C.
i wonder what grit this is??
--Woodworker's Desire--
On the border of one's mind lies a place where dreams become reality.
I, in this shop, will take you there.
I will speak to you softly the secrets of my mind.
I will, with you, bring forth the subjects of my imagination.
The cost of those fancy 6 blade cartridges had gotten so high Rollie had to switch to 60 Grit, just to afford his skyrocketing lumber account bill.
The next step is at the belt sander, where we'll just take a thin slice of skin from the chin
Aluminum oxide, the best a man can get!
Move over Norelco and Gillete, Rollie has found "True Grit"
Shaves as close as a blade or your money back...
No need for aftershave, just a little buff and rinse.
Hold me, caress me Rollie, you know you cant resist my curves.......
But he doesn't know the difference between a belt sander and a Norelco shaver
Thanks for coming over Doc, don't ask.
I know I shouldn't have worn my tie this morning. Just unplug it!!
Rollie, a man of True Grit.
Ahhhh.... The sweet aroma of a fresh belt.
I love the smell of fresh sawdust in the moring.
And this model comes with a built in radio tuner...
There, there. I won't let that mean old hand tool galoot touch you again. You're mine. All mine.
My feet are next.
Fond Memories of my ex wife Hilda.
Shaving brushes
You'll soon see 'em
On a shelf
In some museum
Burma-Sander
How many other sanders is he tweeting to?
"As smooth as a baby's bottom" followed by "Now where did I put that denatured alcohol?"
"Tool Luv"
Cheers,
Jamie
Imagine what I'm saving by not using the ususal cleaning block !!
Once I get this smooth, should I use a gel, penetrating, or water-based beard staining product?
Sand by your man. (tool man)
Happy Father's Day to me! Happy Father's Day to me!
Does my little sander-wannder want a whisker rub?
“One belt in the morning and I’m good for the whole day.”
“Ahh, woodworking – not the same old grind.”
“Scratch and sniff - and open the windows."
Mmmm....I love the smell of burnt skin in the morning!
or
Shave mister? Don't do it! Sand beard away, the beautiful way with grit...G...R...I...T..., grit!
Can I get one with a moustache trimmer?
Darn, over shot a 5 o'clock shadow by 2 hours..
Hands and cheek firmly bonded to the sander and eyes glued shut, Rollie still manages a simle after the freak superglue accident.
Oh my dear sander - how did you like the picture of me in my underwear?
Love.....exciting and new
Smooooooooooth as a baby's bottom. You don't get a shave like this unless you use zirconia.
or maybe...
ABRA*-cadabra. The perfect shave.
* Unpaid product endorsement
Oh, yes, I'll discard my razor!
at least I have my safety glasses...
The best hot-dog conveying belt for my dinner!
at least I have my safety glasses...
Please don't try this at home!
This will FINALLY take care of pesky bumps!!!
My Select Comfort Sleep Number is 36 (grit)
Now that's a close shave!!
Ahhhh dialed in just right ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I promise, I'll never loan you out to that bad man down the street again.
OR
Something about you is so familiar. I know, you remind me of my first shop teacher, Mr. Griswald.
OR
Man creating a symbiotic relationship with his tools.
OR
So do you come here often?
OR
It's hard lookin' soooo pretty.
This wart has gotta go!
Ahhh, I love the smell of sawdust in the Morning.
After lightly dusting his belt sander with Viagra, Rollie had a new friend...
Rollie does some fine tuning for his new wooden mask project.
or
After his colleagues told him he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, Rollie begins the honing process with a 220 grit belt.
Some say you are abrasive, but they just don't know how to turn you on!
To quote the owner of Schick razor.
I loved the shave so much, I bought the company.
I justified the purchase to my wife by explaining how much we would save in dermabrasion costs.
Use 600 grit for the closest shave.
Rollie is testing the sharpness of his sandpaper on his face hairs.
with my eyes closed, I can hear the ocean ..... no, wait, that's her yelling from the kitchen again.
Keep your mind on the day not last night!
Love is a many splended grit.
ahh, peaceful bliss... between this and the ringing in my ears, I can't hear a word she say's.
For your closest, but not the most comfortable shave ever.
Closest shave ever! Come on honey, lets have some fun. It was so worth it.
Beauty Is Only Skin Deep.
Bob, I love the smell of sawdust in the morning.
…leaves your skin silky smooth, and somewhere on the shop floor…
Eight billion tiny high speed blades are better than one!
Diamond-Jaw Johnson demonstrating his technique for truing up the belt sander.
Go ahead I won't tell a soul, I promise.
It's great for the chin but the bikini line?
"The belt whisperer at work."
OR
"John Wayne, take notice -- THIS is True Grit"
I'm shaving my whiskers, don't you see.
My wife doesn't understand me, but you always do.
The Very Efficient Woodworker demonstrates multitasking: Removing pesky bubble gum stuck to the chin and belt cleaning in one operation.
Ah,.......music to my ear!
I know things have been a little rough; I promise things are going to go smoother!!!!
Rollie's been known to have a belt before work.
Object Sexuality: is a pronounced emotional and often romantic desire towards developing significant relationships with particular inanimate objects like tools.
Rollie's web of lies unravels. He told his palm sander he was working late.
AAAH! Bottom notes of walnut and oak, with a hint of tulipwood in the middle, topped off with a little too much box elder!
Aromatherapy for the woodworker.
or
Wood identification for the visually impaired.
Rollie's sweetheart is a little abrasive. But he never fails to turn her on.
For a really close shave...
Maybe one day Rollie will share his skin care exfoliating secrets with his wife.
"For safety reasons, unplug them before hugging your power tools."
"No power tools were injured in the making of this love story."
"For safety reasons, unplug them before hugging your power tools."
OR
"No power tools were injured in the making of this love story."
The tabloids catch internet heartthrob Rollie Johnson canoodling with sweetheart Sander Bullock.
When close just isn't enough.
Please, I know I've been working you hard. Just a little bit longer until this project is done and I'll give you a complete refurbish ... Promise!
High "E" above "C", so sweet, let's sand.
I love the smell of sawdust in the morning!
What's wrong sweetheart! You can talk to Daddy!
REAL MEN shave with their favorite sander..
Presenting my newest invention... the the hands free "Meal-O-Vator". Soon to be found at a restaurant near you.
Rollie took it to heart when told to "wipe that silly grin off his face".
Wow, I feel better with that beard off!
Just you and me baby
When the idea of drawing a sharp metal object across your face every morning just doesn't seem right, try this revolutionary new method. Leaves your face as smooth as a baby's board!
Closest shave yet!
Desperate measures for a desperate marriage
I just love a belt once in a while!
Oh what a good sander you are, yes you are. yes you are. shes good sander.
When the finest shaving is not smooth enough...
It's like on of my children. It would never hurt me.
I think I'll take a little nap right here seems comfortable.
Smoothest shave ever!
Rollie Johnson, the tool whisperer.
Sweet Adalox
My Adalox
At night dear heart
For you I ...
Ahhh, I love the smell for fresh cedar in the morning.
Finally... relief from that mosquito bite!
I just love my little sandy, yes I do.
Though I hate to burn my project.... I can't help but love the smell of freshly toasted wood. Mmmmmmm!
It's the quiet ones you always have to worry about.
Chiseled Features was not the look Rollie was going for.
It's all the rave, try a powershave!
Introducing the new delta belt sander/electric razor!The worst time to be a tool tester.
Oh, where have you been all my life
Evolution of the shaver: First there was one blade, then twin blades, then triple blade, but nothing beats 42,000 blades!
My wife told me to get a facial!
I think i've died and gone to heaven.
MMMM! I just love play'in with your knobs!
Tuning the built in FM radio to the local station - music while I sand.
This ain't nothin, you should see my toothbrush!!!
No roots,no more shaving,how sweet it is.
Putting a sander to his face,
was his greatest folly.
Now they call him skinless Rollie.
Burma Sander
The new way to remove age spots, wrinkles and dry skin. Only $19.95!! Call Now!!!
Power tool virtuso Rollie Johnson is shown playing "Rocky Mountain High" on a belt sander at the recent "Power Tools Rock" concert. According to Johnson, "The melody is easy but keeping the belt on track through all the verses takes real finesse."
Wow, finally no more credit card stubble with this contraption, smooth as a babys butt
Wishing for the beaches of the Bahamas.
6" x 48" 100 grit aluminum oxide sanding belt - $9.99
6" belt sander - $699.99
Having the ability to make lots of sawdust - priceless
Now that's what I call multitasking: sanding wood and shaving face at the same time! Those office workers ain't got nuthin' on me.
Most expensive shaver I ever bought, but man, what a close shave! Lasts all month, too!
I can't wait to tackle my nose-hair.
Purrs like a kitten, but scratches like a lion!
At this setting you get the sweet aroma of a pine forest in spring. With just a twist of the knob you will be sent to the beach, enjoying the smell of a fresh ocean breeze.
Shave at work with a belt sander? Now I can sleep in an extra half hour!
After this, I'll trim my toenails with my Sawzall and I'll be ready for my blind date.
If your beard is particularly stiff, you can keep your sander belts clean at no cost, though the technique can be a bit tricky to master...
Man, that was a long night! I'll just rest here for a while.
our plastic surgeon has the latest in facelift technology...
...and the Papa belt sander, and the Mama belt sander, and the baby belt sander all lived happily ever after. The End. Goodnight little belt sander.
Nothing like the sound of a well tuned power tool.
As Rollie has demonstrated that putting a little of his own body oil on his burnisher, he is more than happy to try a little check to keep his belts from gumming up!
From the movie Greese...
Look at me, I'm SANDRA Dee
Lousy with virginity.
Rollie testing the new "Sander Stop".
There's no place like home; there's no place like home!
Where you been all my life?
The sheet said 120 grit, it feels more like 123. Im getting
more for my money.
Check out these new Fine Woodworking Dermatology Instructional videos
I've tried those others,...but you first is always the best!!!!!
"I'm gonna get a close shave and meet my insurance deductible with one convenient tool!"
I know Rollie loves tools, but..shaving every morning was bneginning to take is toll on his complexion.
Easier to tune than a violin.
Tired of the cost of blade changes for his block plane, Rollie finally springs for an electric razor.
In order to preserve his youthful looks, Rollie performs a face peel.
Now, the best way to check the adjustment...
Let's see ... yup! Aluminum oxide.
I wonder if this tool has the technology that 'SawStop' uses?
"Come on baby, make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don't feel like it should
You make it hurt so good"
-John Mellencamp
Some guys are always getting into abrasive relationships.
And gillette fusion said they have the closest most comfortable shave !
Sanding cheek to cheek
Lets us see, if she still complains about the knubs tonight.
Baby Talking Voice: "Who's a good little sander? You are! Yes you are. My Good little sander..."
Blades! I don't need no stinkin' blades!
Almost as smooth as a babies bottom!
Hair today...skin tomorrow?
Hey Babe, I promise not to remove your belt.
Looks like he'll get a close shave and meet his insurance deductible in one convenient tool!
Ahh, A face only 80 grit could love!
or
And the wife wanted me to use Nair, yeah right!
Forget Norelco,this is the smoothest shave ever!Now,for a splash of Old Spice to clean off the sawdust...
There once was a writer none grander,
Than this man who loved his belt sander.
He thought with a grin,
As it rolled up his chin,
I'll soon be known by my kin as Rolander.
Hmmm...I wonder of this sander has automatic belt stop if it senses human skin?
Today on "As the Arbor Turns", the truth behind Rollie's boyish complexion is revealed.
Oh wow this 220 grit sandpaper is just right for removing my stubble and giving me baby soft skin!
"Who needs a chemical peel when I can get the best in dermal abrasion with this."
Soothe me, smooth me!
After a long night of inhaling lacquer fumes, Rollie thought it would be ok to let his pet kitty lick his chin.
Having glued his eyes shut, Rollie reached for what he thought was his emergency eyewash station. He was about to find out just how much worse this day could be.
now that's the close shave i,ve been searching for. and to think it's been here all along.
Acne? I don't have ACNE!
Derm abrasion therapy: your home shop salon could not be better utilized!
nothing but a nice shave with 80 grit for a baby but skin... my wife loves it, so do I.
Sanding stubble close and clean, takes practice and a fine machine.
In this month's issue – Sanding Master Rollie Johnson shows us his trick for determining the right grit for the job. Look forward to next month when Rollie discusses the importance of unplugging tools for adjustment and the proper use of a styptic pencil.
"not by the hair of my chinny chin chin"
Ah!!! Nothing like a finely tuned Belt Sander in the Morning!
(with apologies to the Chordettes)
Mr. Sandman, bring me a belt
Make it the smoothest that I've ever felt
I'll need two belts, one coarse and one finer
To make my sanding chores a good deal lighter
Sandman, I'm so alone
Don't have a sandbelt to call my own
Change these cards that I've been dealt,
Mr. Sandman, bring me a belt.
...Frustrated with those darn disposable razors? Try this for a really close, dependable shave. You will never be the same! Abrasives available for light and heavy beards...
If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean!!!....or every one of your hairs being pulled from your head from the belt - one of the two...
There is nothing like the sound of a finely tuned racing sander
No pills, no cutting just 15 minutes will remove 10 years!
You ought to see what he picks his nose with!
Definitely 120 grit!
#1
Razor? I don't need no steeekin' razor!!
#2
How Real Men shave...
What Rollie has jointed together, let no man put asander!
If you listen real close, you can tell when the sander is at peak operating performance.
This thing shaves closer than my Remington!
The happy couple was married in a quiet ceremony yesterday.
Oh! Oh! Ahh! That's the spot! Finally scratched that itch!
I love the smell of an 80 grit belt in the morning.
Thank you all for the witty comments. It was a tough choice, but I picked the caption by Dzunner (on June 7):
"When Powermatic decided to enter the electric razor market, there were bound to be a few design obstacles."
I'll be shipping out the prize next week.
Rollie decides to earn some extra income by becoming a tester for SawStops newest product in development - SandStop.
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