Cold as a welldigger’s
.
As a witch’s $%^s(Wearing a brass brassiere )
Froze the
#%&*s off a brass monkey
Chevy locks froze up yesterday had to use a hair dryer to open door then to unstick the $%#^&*g windows Stein
Edited 1/11/2004 12:45:05 AM ET by steinmetz
Edited 1/11/2004 12:47:17 AM ET by steinmetz
Replies
Yo Stemits,
When your stickshift feels like the tranny is full of peanut butter - you know its cold.
'Tis the season of starting the engine, then leaving 15 minutes later.
"The furniture designer is an architect." - Maurice DuFrenes (French Art Deco furniture designer, contemporary of Ruhlmann)
http://www.pbase.com/dr_dichro
Gee, those of us who live up north use lock de-icer. And we don't wash our cars in the wintertime because the locks and doors would freeze.
Then again, most of my friends don't even lock their cars.
If you are fresh out of lock de-icer you could heat your key with a flame before you insert it in the lock. Just don't do it after squirting the de-icer in first or you'll have much more heat than you want!
WAYNE, I once saw a Gas station attendant trying to de-ice a locked gas cap with a propane torch.
Got the hell outta there! Stein.
That tops mine. The worst I ever saw was airline employees trying to unstick a cargo door latch by pouring hot coffee on it. It didn't work so they couldn't get the hatch to close and cancelled the flight. They drove all the passengers 190 miles in taxicabs.
That was after the earlier flight was cancelled because the airport's navigational system was down, so they drove us to another airport 40 miles away. We had to wait an hour and a half for the cabs because there were only six in the town and they were all taken, so they ordered cabs from another town.
Half way through our 190 mile trip our driver stopped and said she had to stop for oil. I thought she meant gas, until I saw her pour 5 quarts of oil into the engine while I got a doughnut. When I sat back down in the cab I said to the person sitting next to me, "this trip couldn't get any worse."
"Yes it can," she said. "She lost her keys."
"Who lost what keys?"
"The driver. Dropped her keys in the snow." We all watched as the driver wandered around the gas station looking through 6" deep snow for her keys.
I should have enjoyed it, because the trip home a week later was worse.
I worked one season in Prudhoe Bay, out on the ice doing oil exploration work. Usually, you try to wait until you get back to camp to "go", but this time, I couldn't wait. It didn't take me long, needless to say.
During the process, I thought to myself, "What's all this carrying on about ICBMs ? Eskimos have been having them for thousands of years."
Just the sort of thought that occurs to you when you've been there too long.
Wayne, during my tour In Germany. My whole division left the area but left five of us behind to Police the area and remove the several miles of telephone wires we had previously strung through out the Bivoac area. Talk about COOOLD?
Five guys in one pup tent (actually composed of five individual Shelter halves buttoned together to resemble a tent)
We slept in our clothes/barracks bags and piled up in a ball. Each guy took his turn during the night pumping up the only source of heat.( A tiny Coleman stove used to cook one canteen cup of coffee) By continually pumping, the little flame roared and threatened to burn the makeshift tent down.
We survived the night but still had to climb hundreds of trees to recover the wire. The climbers we wore could just about penetrate the slick frozen bark.
So long as we kept moving, we didn't freeze, but one pole I encountered was a metal ice coated one with foot rungs.
As it was getting dark, and sleet was blowing ,I shot up the pole and just as I untied the wire, on the pole even with my nose was a electric blue logo of a lightning bolt staring me in the fase. I 'Bugged' out of there pronto. I n German at the base of the pole was the words Achtung- Danger or some such warning. Stein.
Edited 1/11/2004 5:20:02 PM ET by steinmetz
Cold was Lake Placid, 1979.
Temperature was about -50 without the wind.
Friend's K5 Blazer with dual batteries, block heater, and oil heater could barely start.
Come to think of it, me too.
Working outside that day was about as bad as it gets.
Jeff
Jeff, I don't know if they still have Key Key birds up thar in Vermont, but one winter I actually saw and heard one.
Rare Canadian bird, never flies farther south than to Vermont. Doesn't sing or warble ...just goes, Key..Key....Kee- Hrists it's cooold! Stein
Stein,
I thought that key key bird flew in Wash DC....except there they fly in ever decreasing concentric circles.....ending with "its dark up here"....lol
That was a good one.
I'll have to remember it.
Jeff
Had to use a hair dryer to get the cover latch undone on the hot tub yesterday afternoon. Temp was around 0 (and it was windy) . We're in central New Hampsha.
Bill
Barnacle Bill, New Hampshire? I think I went there to visit the American Precision Machine Museum th ah. Stein
Lots of Stanley stuff. Stein
Edited 1/11/2004 9:03:21 PM ET by steinmetz
OK, It's as cold as an IRS agents heart.
It was so cold (How cold was it) that I saw a dog frozen to the fire hydrant
SawdustSteve Long Island, NY where it's a toasty 21 degrees f.
Got so tired of being being snowed in for plus 3 weeks I thought I'd share some of a months worth of sub double digit temps.
Ordered up 4 days runing of 55/60 degree days and let the the rest of the world bask in inclement weather.
Who ever invented work didn't know how to fish....
When I was in training we had to march in troop formation in -50 Celsius weather, that is about -58 Fahrenheit.Scott C. Frankland
Scott's WOODWORKING Website"This all could have been prevented if their parents had just used birth control"
...even the brass monkeys stayed inside.
"Colder than the ticket-taker's smile at the Ivar Theater on a Tuesday night." -- Tom Waits
(...and we all know Tom Waits for no man.)
tony b.
Regina?
Right on the money. I had the best of both seasons there. Hot summer cold winter.Scott C. Frankland
Scott's WOODWORKING Website"This all could have been prevented if their parents had just used birth control"
Um . . .
Guys.
In Kaanapali, Maui the temperature went up to 84 today. Impossibly blue, azure skies. A few puffy white clouds on the horizon. There are humpback whales in the channel between here and Lanai regularly breeching and blowing. There's plumeria fragrance in the air. Gentle trade winds. It'll be a pleasant 68 overnight with a brief passing shower to feed the tropical flowers.
We like to call relatives in Minneapolis-St. Paul and friends in Rochester, NY and Boston about this time of year and ask, "How's the weather?"
VL
YEAH,YEAH! Venicia, but does all that balmy weather build character? Stein.
Stein,
"YEAH,YEAH! Venicia, but does all that balmy weather build character?"
No. That's really lacking here. But we figured we'd trade lifetimes in Philly, Greenbay, New Yawk for warm.
We've got character to spare! Just ask any of our neighbors.
A few years ago I was back in Chicago for a meeting exactly at this time of year. The day was a brilliant, cloudless, sunshine-filled one with a high of -7 degrees F. The wind was blowing hard enough to knock me off course. Supposedly the wind chill factor made the temperature minus 42! There was absolutely no sensation of warmth from the bright sun. Men on the lakefront were wearing full length fur coats (to the ankles) with fur hats - preservation, not affectation.
I was standing on the corner waiting to cross the street, going from one department store to another. I thought I was going to die. I had every bit of warm clothing on that I owned, including a sweater and jacket under a lined topcoat. Scarf. Fur lined gloves and ear muffs. My head and ears hurt terribly and I thought that if anyone so much as touched them that they would shatter into tiny crystaline pieces.
Then I remembered that I had watched the Bears and Forty Niners play at Soldier Field the week before in identical weather. Most of them wore short sleeves! Unbelievable that the human body can survive such torture.
VL
Yes,Venicia there is a Santa Klaus
And sane people in Chicago too.
Lacking amongst all that clothing was character.
Steinmetz
Venicia writes...
"Men on the lakefront were wearing full length fur coats (to the ankles) with fur hats - preservation, not affectation."
Don't give 'em too much credit. They chose the fur as much for the affectation as anything else. Those are the same people smelt fishing in a leather car coat and designer leather shoes off the breakwater.
tony b. (over by dere...)
Tony,
'fya say so. But I would have killed for one of those coats.
That was January. I went back on May 10 for a followup. There was still ice in patches where building shadows kept the ground shaded all day. Ice, still in May!!!
'Course the cab driver said that it could be 90 with 90% humidity the next day.
VL
Edited 1/14/2004 12:12:48 AM ET by Venicia L
the high temp forcast for today was -5 degrees dont think were going to make it , its 3:15 and so far its only gotten to -7 with wind chill wight now about -29 degrees . its to f---in cold dogboy
How's the weather well I'll tell you winter stinks it's so cold here that when the sun goes down I have to close the over head shop door and am thinking about possibly getting a portable heater for those late night jobs. And the grass stills grows damm I wish I was back in NY (NOT)
Got up to -12 here today, lucky the wind was only gusting to 30 - 35 or so. The woodpile's disappearing faster than a politician's promise after election. I put a bucket under the thermometer in case the bottom falls out of it tonight, and put the oil tank back where it belongs, seeing as the furnace sucked it clear across the cellar. The TV weatherman says it might get colder towards the end of the week. It's not all bad though, keeps the blackflies and the tourists in check. The Governor says if it don't start warming up here soon he'll have to raise taxes, seeing how's that tends to warm the natives up something considerable these days.
Got up to 75 here today! But the wind chill was only about 70.
PlaneWood by Mike_in_Katy (maker of fine sawdust!)PlaneWood
Oh, brings back memories. Locks freezing up, ignition switches breaking because the lubricant froze up, axles freezing on the truck from the blizzards & blowing sleet driving to jobsites. I really hated to show up at the Ford Dealer to let my Chevy thaw out in their service bay so I could drive it home. Reminds me why I stayed in So Cal after getting out of the Corps. -20 degree weather with -80 windchill for weeks on end. I do miss having a cooler outside the door for the cold ones on game day though.
Froze the #%&*s off a brass monkey
or
if, as you carry a brass monkey across Red Square you hear "tink" "tink" then you'll know how cold it really is
Whadda buncha wussies! Just remember, you can always put on enough clothes to keep warm, but you can't take off enough to get cool.....
freezing the balls off of a brass monkey ? Its not the ones youre thinking of. A brass monkey holds cannonballs on a ship. When the salt water froze, the balls slid off the rails. Thus, the balls were off the brass monkey.
Snopes doesn't believe it.
http://www.snopes.com/language/stories/brass.htm
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