I don’t know if this is a genuine woodworking question or even if it’s a serious question but I’m curious about how others handles this situation.
I have big projects, big planes that need tools in order to become a reality. My girlfriend, who has selective hearing, agreed with them. That’s until a mentionned the price tag of my next purchase. You can imagine the rest.
So how do you slide that new router, tablesaw, jointer… pass your significant other/ spouse/ girlfriend? Any foolproof convincing arguments / technics / bribes I could use?
Keep in mind that this is a light hearded question and that response should be somewhat similar.
There’s a saying that goes something like this:” It’s better to beg forgiveness that to ask for permission” It makes me think I’m not alone in this boat. Maybe I am…
Thanks to all,
Rehabhog
Replies
There's several ways of dealing with this issue that I've employed:
1) Wait until she's in Florida visiting her mother. Last time I snuck a Delta BOSS oscillating sander and about 800 BF of lumber into the shop.
2) I must have this new BLURFL in order to complete <fill in the blank with something she wants you to make>. I got a real nice shoulder plane for my B-day using this one.
3) Deny Deny Deny "What do you mean, new? I've had that for ages"
4) Use the "it was such a good deal, I just could pass it up" Picked up more items than I can count with this one.
5) Ask forgiveness.
Whatever you do, NEVER try the "It's my paycheck, I can spend it how I want." This will only cause you pain and possible contussions, lacerations and concussions.
Jim
Buy tools........Rent girlfriend.
------------------------------------
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer (1891)
<....Rent girlfriend.>That may be legal out there on the left coast, but here in the land of steady habits, it can land you in the slammer, so I've heard.
Edited 10/25/2006 8:03 pm ET by Mike_B
I've used 1 2 & 3. But what seems to work best is to work on one of her projects and make the job last forever because you don't have the proper tool or do a very substandard job for lack of proper tool. Safety generally gets the job done too. I "said" I a fell off a rickity step ladder and limped the rest day and ended up with a New Werner.
Work Safe, Count to 10 when your done for the day !!
Bruce S.
That's easy--make something for her/his mother! "Gee, honey, I'd love to make an end table for your mother, but I need a new 8" jointer to mill the lumber." Works like a charm! :) Tom
I know you have all heard the saying " He who dies with the most tools wins", which she will think is a bunch of bunk. What you need to do is point out how this will make her much more desirable to the next suitor once you are gone. If she buys that line, then I think there may be a nice boat in her future inheritance.
Years ago I waltzed out of a gun shop with a new shotgun under my arm. My spouse asked what I thought I was doing. I replied that we had discussed this over two weeks ago and she had no problems with then why would she now? It worked. I never tried it again. Now I just buy things and stick them in the shop. I have all the large tools I need so the planes etc., just show up.
Bonka,That would never fly wit my wife but that old gun case has made many trips with new passengers !C.
Rehabhog ,
Get your girl friends new ______________ half way done , show it to her and apologize for not being able to complete it without that new purchase .
good luck dusty
"Honey, would you rather I was down in the shop sober, alone, and making things that we can use and enjoy, or . . . out somewhere doing god knows what with god knows who?"
"A man needs a hobby or two, and they all cost money. Have you priced gold clubs or a round of golf lately? Skiiing? Photography? Carousing at the pub? ... At least we get some furniture out of this one."
"There are worse habits than buying nice tools, right?"
But the most useful is:
"I'll get the ______, and you should have something nice too, so we'll get you the ________."
You can quickly save in results what you spend in tools.And it's cheaper than:
- Golf
- Boat
- Fishing
- Hunting
- Season tickets
- Sports Car
- ...any other costly habit you can think of<pick one>
you can make alot of money in job 1 so in the great scheme of things, the tools aren't that big a deal. Not so easily done but it works.
When Shopsmiths were all the rage years ago, I had a theory that they sold mainly because people had to make a "case" for buying just once, rather than trying to justify buying 5 separate machines.I've had any number of DIY friends whose spousal resistance to tool buying dissipated when they started to make a few dollars selling stuff to friends and relatives.********************************************************
"It is what we learn after we think we know it all, that counts."
John Wooden 1910-
You just read a page from my history, sir. That's almost exactly how I got started and what I did when I bought it. Still have that along with a bunch of newer, more permanent things. Don't know about you but there are some things I can never seem to part with: Tools! It's a sickness, I know......
back on topic....married 39 + yrs, so I've learned how to work it a bit.
We just moved to a new home, she wanted all new appliances (tools?). I said fine, but, when we build the new garage/guest studio/workshop combo I will need some X,Y,Z, etc....she said OK. The building is almost done and I"M GOING SHOPPING !!
I itemized what I wanted and showed her it was about 1/3 what the appliances were and then I mentioned that since most of my hair is gone I don't go to the hairdresser, or go to the mall, or go to the...whatever. She said Oh! I guess so.
Then , I get up from the floor, unclench my fists, take a big breath and... :0)...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...... :0)
What we really need here is some help from an expert in the field. ( a woman...SHHHHH)
Forestgirl, you out there? What say you? Help us poor saps out here, please.
...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...... :0)
Thats not really a fair question to ask Forest girl !! She's wired and programed the way all women should be. She's a special case. And I'll bet She has her own femanine ways, Ones We cant use, of getting what She wants. Sorry FGWork Safe, Count to 10 when your done for the day !!
Bruce S.
I do not understand the question, what does "justify" mean?
It's easy to listen to Woodmann and me, but we are middle aged and wise. If you want to get to middle age, be devious! I have just bought my wife a miners safety lamp, once she is underground I can shop.
The best trick is to ask for something ridiculous and very expensive, even go out to buy it with partner in tow. Then after much soul searching tell her that you are going to compromise for something that is a bit cheaper but probably you can make do, and perhaps she can make it up to you next birthday/christmas etc. This is better than sneaking into the house with a router stuffed up your jumper.
Better ask her advice. You're going to get it anyway.
Oooooo, not sure I can help here. As far as the technique I use, it's "Wow, these are on sale. Can I have an early Christmas present?" Hubby can't resist an opportunity for a bargain, hence the 4 Bessey K's hanging on the clamp rack out in the shop, and he loves giving Christmas presents, LOL! The Bosch 12" CMS required two justifications: On-sale big-time, and we were (supposedly) about to rebuild our deck. That was last year.... His delayed retirement, combined with hunting season, has put it off another year, but we'll get 'er done. In the meantime, I tell him at least once a month "I luuuuuvvvvvv my miter saw!"
As far as what he does to win me over.....well, it's almost impossible since his weakness is baseball cards, and if I never see another baseball card in my life, I couldn't be happier, LOL.
OK, seriously? If there's somethin' she's thinks is high priority to spend $$ on, and you've been blowin' her off for a couple of years, just do it! Pay attention to her priority and be happy doing it. Let that surprising turn of events settle for awhile, and see if it changes the dynamics some.forestgirl -- you can take the girl out of the forest, but you can't take the forest out of the girl ;-)
Thanks, ever so...
........see guys, when all else fails............ASK for DIRECTIONS !! L&LOLs
;0)...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...
It's all about ratios/volume around here. She seems to out spend me at about a 4:1 clip. I just wait until I see the shopping bags show up and I know it's my cue. I see 4 bags I go fill 1 of my own. I see 8......well you get the picture. No it doesn't matter what's inside the bags and I'd rather not know. Yes we exercise restraint as a matter of necessity as long as the system is employed.
Married a dozen years and still working fine.
-Paul
Paul: How do you get a table saw in a shopping bag? KDM"... if people did not die so untidily, most men, and all women, would commit at least one murder in their lives." R. Kipling
First, I want to say that it is good to be back. Been a little under the weather, but now that I'm able to get my hands to the keyboard again, thought I'd jump in on this 'lighter' thread.
Having looked at all the responses, I think you've missed the best method of all. Guilt! Does your DW have a hobby? Mine does. Quilting, sewing, etc. When she decided she wanted to get serious about it, I didn't bat an eye. That high end embroidery machine? Done. Serger, deluxe sewing machine, nice quilting machine and frame, you got it. And when she came to me complaining that the quilting machine was'nt adequate, again, I didn't flinch. Just dipped into the the ol' 401K and made the upgrade. And during this time we remodeled her sewing room to make it more user friendly, and bought a couple of antique machines more or less as decor.
In short, we've spent about double on her hobby as we have on mine. Now, anytime I mention a tool I might need or want, her response is "get it!" Of course I still have to play it smart. I occasionally point out a very high dollar tool that I have absolutely no need for and no intention of buying and when she says I should get it, I hem and haw a little and tell her I really can't afford it right now. Got to reinforce that guilt every now and then. nyuk nyuk. But it has gotten me a few nice to haves like a Veritas smoother, a LN DT saw, to name a few. I have a list that I'm working from and occasionally check an item off.
Sure, it cost me up front, but if I play my cards right, this method should last me right on through my golden years. Just hope I have some gold left in those years!!
Hope this helps you with your situation, Rehab. Just remember, "if you're gonna play, you gotta pay". ;^)
Once again, it's good to be back. Take care.
Onward! Through the fog!
Chuck
If you want or need a new tool then go ahead and buy it. Life is way too short to look back and wish that you had done certain things and now it's too late . If she really cares about you she would like for you to have the desires of your heart. It could be worse if you were to spend the money on another woman., However if you are married to this woman, forget everything that I have said up til now. I will be celebrating marriage to the same woman on Dec 15 of 45 years. Devorce never was ever concidered, murder was.
woodmann
Your "girlfriend" is telling you how to spend your money? That's a bad situation, I'd dump her real fast. Do you have any idea what she spends at the beauty parlor, make up counter, jewelry and shoe store? Put your pants back on, Rehabhog.
Beat it to fit / Paint it to match
Hammer,"Tu as dit tout haut ce que nous pensions tout bas" !C.
Thanks for the many suggestions,
I'm glad to see that this ship has a full crew and that I'm not the only rowing. For those who say I should put my pants on, remember that I'm building a home not just a house. Also, just for citrouille, "ce serait changer quatre trentes sous pour une piasse" ( The next girlfriend would probably be the same).
All in all, thank you for the response, and now let's see how many tools I can score before my girlfriend calls a time out. I'm off to play...
Rehabhog
Hammer, spoken like a true man. Personally I am a bit more clandestine in these matters. My wife has been complaining about her washer and dryer not doing the job they should. I have all the tools I really need but I had my eye on a gun.... a Thompson submachine gun ( semi auto version). The bride and I went down to the local big box store and bought a new washer outfit that does everything include print money.......I just need to locate the right setting. She was very happy with the purchase. One day she came into my office to find the " Gat" displayed on a walnut stand i made for it. " Whats that?" she queried. "Remember the anniversary present I bought you? Remember the washer and dryer? I could have bought four of these for what I paid for your presents". The conversation was over. Marriage is like poker; push more chips into the middle of the table and then bluff.Wicked Decent Woodworks
(oldest woodworking shop in NH)
Rochester NH
" If the women dont find you handsome, they should at least find you handy........yessa!"
I love the way you think, kind of put an end to the but as for the gun, have a good time when you take it to the range and bring lots of ammo.
Greg
Hi John, long time no see. Nice gun! You and I are lucky to be married to a couple of incredible women. They have stuck by us for many years, through thick and thin, and are still hanging on for the ride. If you gave Sharon a washer and dryer for an anniversary present and then pointed out the cost. I bet that Thompson is mounted in a different place, sideways! I know you are whipped and I know why. At least one of those boxes under the tree better say Mercedes Benz, Cartier or a reasonable equivalent. Let me know if you need the name of a good jeweler. Diamonds in white gold look a little bigger, they are good for a whole bunch of toys and other benefits. Maytags don't work quite as well.The original poster, Rehabhog, was talking about his girlfriend. Not his fiance' or wife or even mistress. Girlfriends can climb on board but when they start back seat driving, they have to get off. I couldn't resist yanking his chain/leash.Beat it to fit / Paint it to match
You seemed to have missed the fact that there was an anniversary present ( not the washer and dryer) involved that consisted of gold and rubies. The washer and dryer is something she has been wanting and Lowes was having a great promotion on them. She has been working like a dog lately so i figured she needed some attention.
Could the fact that she got carded last week and she is 50 have anything to do with my being "whipped"?
When I read what Rehabhog had posted it reminded me of this philosophy that a friend of mine has regarding girlfriends. He says they are meant to be ridden hard and put away wet. It they stand up to abuse then you consider elevating them to a higher plateau. Letting a girl friend tell you what you can or cannot buy is just begging for problems down the road.
Wicked Decent Woodworks
(oldest woodworking shop in NH)
Rochester NH
" If the women dont find you handsome, they should at least find you handy........yessa!"
john,
Rode hard and put away wet, huh?
A friend of the wife says, " Men are like tiles: If you lay 'em right the first time, you can walk on 'em the rest of your life."
Here's the last thing I rode hard and put away wet. Purchasing it for my 50th b'day took a frank conversation with the love of my life. There is no justifying a mid-life crisis. "Well, it's better than a girl friend," she says. She is one in a million. The wife, not the purchase.
Now that is beautiful (the bike, I do not know the wife and I have to watch what I say about the rider).
Having got to the stage where I was falling off and not being able to pick the things up again, bikes and I had to part company a few years back but I miss the freedom and fun.
On the post subject my extended family keep asking what I would like for christmas and I really cannot think of anything. Am I sick?
mufti,
Thanks for the kind words about the bike. Something about an Indian, as they used to say.
I've only fallen off once (so far) and my broken wrist kept me from picking it up that time.
I read somewhere that the key to happiness wasn't in getting what you want, but in being satisfied with what you have. Sounds like you are there.
Regards,
Ray
Could the fact that she got carded last week and she is 50
Nice, but at 56 with salt and pepper hair ( mostly salt now ) I get carded often. A lot of places nowadays have policy to card no matter the age - 6 to 160.
" There'll be no living with her now" - Captain Jack Sparrow
Well it must be the area you live in. I too am 56 and with very little grey at all and I have been told by many I look closer to 46 then 56 and I have NEVER been carded since I was 25 or so. No caveat here about me being a tea totaler either. I have swilled my fair share of gin. It just might be that you are, yourself, a looker and the people carding you are awestruck young girls hoping to go for the older and the wiser. Maybe??Wicked Decent Woodworks
(oldest woodworking shop in NH)
Rochester NH
" If the women dont find you handsome, they should at least find you handy........yessa!"
I WISH!!!!
I think my photo is on my info sheet. I was told that to avoid problems with the law about selling to minors, most places here (including grocery stores) have a standard policy of verifying ID on ALL sales.
" There'll be no living with her now" - Captain Jack Sparrow
R,
Everyone else is talking up the devious route. Have you thought about a straightforward approach with SWMBO? If she ever gives you any grief, just say: "If you ever talk to me like that again, there will be no lovemaking for a week!".
Be firm about it. Don't give in.
Please let me know how it works out. :-) And remember, you didn't pay much for this advice.
Enjoy,
Mel
Measure your output in smiles per board foot.
I have 2 ways.
1) My BD and Fathers day and anniversary are all within 3 weeks of each other, so I can ask for it to be a combined present.
2) She gives me a request for a piece of furniture. If I will need/want a tool to complete it, I will price good pieces and then come up with what it will cost ME to make it (materials and the tool I want). If my price is lower or pretty close to the BUY price, I will give her that info and proceed to tell her how much better made it will be if I make it and can make it to her desires as to size/style/ height/function...
" There'll be no living with her now" - Captain Jack Sparrow
I once bought a new lathe and brought it home while my wife was away. My friend was helping me unpack it in the driveway before taking it down to the shop where it would be lost forever. In our haste my friend cut his hand on the packaging and I had to take him to get stitches. Upon our return some two hours later, there was my wife in a lawn chair with her feet resting on the lathe in the driveway.
I did the only smart thing I could. I went downstairs and turned some candlesticks with the "help" of my son who was about 13 at the time and all was forgotten - I think.
Hub
Darn nice of her to guard your new lathe until you could get it safely inside!------------------------------------
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer (1891)
ROTFLMHO! I can just see the whole thing unfolding, especially the look on your face as you returned to the scene of the crime. All that would be needed for complete perfection would be if she were smoking a stogie.
As for permission vs forgiveness - it's true. In grad school I celebrated a classmates birthday the way I'd celebrated them for years, but this time on campus. The school took a dim view of the four-cannon salute, LOL.
My trick. I run a small business out of our house. One of the things I do involves building wood stuff with kids. That gets me all kinds of stuff.
I'd have been concerned if my long-suffering better half had questioned how I spent my money when we wasn't 'one'.
Safety, show her the "Sawstop " video and let her come to her own conclusion.
Best,
John
one of the very few (and i do mean few)benefits to being single and middle aged (if i live to be 106) is that i can buy whatever tool i want whenever i want, including most any yellow tool that hdt runs a special on.
i figure i have another year or two before re-entry, and that shop will by god be full when it happens.
Take her out to dinner...... then tell her you think you two should start seeing other people. Go buy all your tools and then tell her it was the wiskey talking...you really want her back ( if you do)
Wicked Decent Woodworks
(oldest woodworking shop in NH)
Rochester NH
" If the women dont find you handsome, they should at least find you handy........yessa!"
When we were redoing our kitchen several years ago, I thought I'd rather just build the cabinets rather than purchase them. One reason for this was that I wanted an "excuse" to get a new table saw. My wife wasn't so sure that we should spend the money for a table saw, so we went out and priced the cabinets that she liked. When she saw the bottom line, I said "we could build these for about half of what pre-mades will cost, including the new saw, and they would be real wood, not particle board."
The sun rose and there was light. Music played in the background. We bought a saw and made beautiful cabinets together. Happy ending for all.
Mike Hennessy
Pittsburgh, PA
PS: She's now a tool junkie. Be forewarned.
When we were redoing our kitchen several years ago, I thought I'd rather just build the cabinets rather than purchase them. One reason for this was that I wanted an "excuse" to get a new table saw. My wife wasn't so sure that we should spend the money for a table saw, so we went out and priced the cabinets that she liked. When she saw the bottom line, I said "we could build these for about half of what pre-mades will cost, including the new saw, and they would be real wood, not particle board."
The sun rose and there was light. Music played in the background. We bought a saw and made beautiful cabinets together. Happy ending for all.
Mike HennessyPittsburgh, PA
PS: She's now a tool junkie. Be forewarned.
That's is exactly what we did!! Built the kitchen cabinets with the new tool purchases. The purchase of materials for the cabinets and the new tools didn't touch the real cost of a cabinet shop doing them for us, even unfinished. But our differences stop there, she still isn't a tool junkie. Which is a good think because I just up graded my contractor saw to a uni saw with all the bells and whistles because the contractor saws bearings gave out. I told DW that the saw is no good and "we" needed another one. "ok". She calls me a tool collector, I wonder why?
Semper Fi
When you make items that your spouse likes, if you do need a new tool you can justify the purchase price. The more you make the better your spouse feels. It works for me.
Greg
Jarhead,
I should translate Semper Fi in context of your origin or the content of this thread?
Dave
You should have my wife. If I tell her I need a MM16 bandsaw or 882 PM jointer she patiently waits or looks around until it is in the pickup. But keeps telling me she is not a beast of burden. It is up to me to unload it in the shop. On second thought - You shouldn't have her. She is meant for me and that is the way it should be!
Okay. I have read all of the replies to your query. Sure seems to be a lot of devious mischief going on out there. It amazes me that you all manage to stay married with all of this slight of hand and near-truths,etc. Early on in our marriage our different spending habits were a constant source of friction. My wife believes in saving all of her money, I believe in spending some of mine. ( Hers? Mine? It is now ours.) Besides, what is she going to do with her savings, give it to the worthless kids? ( And these two really are worthless.) The subject was raised while we were in marital counseling and the shrink suggested that we should each get a monthly allowance that we each may spend or save as we see fit. The other person can not have any say over what happens with that allowance. This has proven to be a very fair solution that has brought much peace to our marriage. I hope that some of you all will give this answer a try.
Got to agree with BigK. We're (hopefully) with our partners for 40 years or so and that's a long time to be playing games and not being honest with the person we've chosen to be with (and if it isn't you that's chosen to be with them leave quickly ;-). Both sexes like to buy stuff and like to justify it. Sometimes we're buying stuff we can't justify... that's when it's tricky. Honesty is the best policy IMHO, coupled with the occassional ignoring when you yourself know you don't really need it and are only trying hard to justify it...
FG - top couple!
Roger
Rehabhog,
Men buy toys women buy babies er stuff for babies..
It's a fact babies are womens toys and the best way to buy a tool is to tell them you are making a gift for the baby, the neighbors baby, her siisters baby etc.. Baby's mean it's off the balance sheet..
Women have this feeling about babies that men get about tools. They know they need a crib and walker as well as a dressing table and carring bag and about a zillion other things..
they don't care about the budget at that point..
use it.. use their weakness to your advantage..
Too ALL of you:This is ONE GREAT THREAD!!!!! I have had more fun reading your responses and the bottom line is: "IT'S ALL TRUE"!!!! Thanks so much for the laughs and great reading.Ray
A few years after we were married (37 years ago) I bought a table saw and built an oak coffee table and two oak end tables, which we used up until about two years ago when our youngest daughter said she needed them.
When we totaled up the cost of the saw and the wood, they were cheaper than had we bought the 3 tables. And, I have made a number of things since then. That set the stage for numerous tool purchases.
About 9 years ago my wife decided she had enough of social services work and she wanted to do something completely different. She began traveling the very large craft and art show circuit, selling country and Americana prints which she matted and framed. After seeing this was profitable I pointed out to her that she could make the frames much cheaper than what she was paying, even though she was paying wholesale.
Once we got her $5,000-plus industrial mitre saw (2 12 inch saws on one base) in the shop, buying me a new $1,800 cabinet saw was no problem. In actuality I used her saw, cut the molding and joined the frames (about 2 minutes total per frame to cut and join), and then she matted the print, cut the glass, and assembled the frame/glass/matt/print. At peak we were doing about 8,000 frames a year.
Doing 25 shows a year across about 6 states got a little too much for her so she has done her last show and is selling out equipment and inventory while she looks for her next great adventure.
All that to say, find a way to involve your wife, or build things with the tools you buy that cost less than if you went out and paid for particle board.
Alan - planesaw
Well it was easy. We were out shopping for new furniture for our new house. After picking out the living room furniture and dinning room table that we both liked I guided her to the bedroom furniture. There it was, that Mission style that I like, but out of pine and plywood. I showed her the price tag and told her I could build it for less then that. Of coruse I needed a few new tools and a few feet of Red oak. I forgot one thing, I still had to build the workshop, which she helped to do. I wasn't ready to build that dinning room table. New saw, mortise machine, router, and planer.
Dont justify it,
Gently explain that you can get a second job for a couple of months to make the money you need to get you started. It wont last too long prolly, as your girl will see that you really have the dedication to this life changing direction you want to take. She will either be so proud of you for putting your money where your mouth is and not threatening the status quo, or just get tired of you not being around, that she'll come around. Or not.. anyways you look at it, three months of buckling down and you should have enough spare to get you start up tools until you can make enough real money doing what you want that you can purchase higher end industrial equipment.
You dont need to be sneaky and try to glide stuff around. Work harder so you can make more money so you can buy more tools so you can work harder so you can make more money....... I love America!
Keep the accounting straight, and seperate. Seperate bank, mattress, whatever. Start throwing your seed money into the pooled fund and it'll get lost.
Hi,
How about being 100% up front honest.
I mean price out and entire shop of quality tools..say $10,000! And then itemize all the projects values you can accomplish.
I did similar 2 years ago. Every cent went towards tools and machinery. I made it clear we were to build a home together. We searched for a classic old craftsman or the like..although we never quite found it.
Bottom line..girl friends gone..but I still have a shop!!! and a dream!
HTH
Al
I use a variation of the 'don't ask, don't tell' strategy.
She doesn't ask me about the tools, I don't ask her about the shoes.
Piccioni,
<<She doesn't ask me about the tools, I don't ask her about the shoes.>>
That's classic! A woman will say that she can never have too many pairs of shoes....just like woodworkers will say that they can never have too many tools...Tschüß!
Mit freundlichen holzbearbeitungischen Grüßen aus dem Land der Rio Grande!!
James
Frankly, I think some of the posters have missed the point: there is a major difference between a girlfriend and a wife. I've had several girlfriends and those relationships had a definitive lifespan running from a few months to a couple of years -- they are by definition a relationship that is not designed to last (could you imagine every girlfriend you've ever had having the right to decide what you could buy and how much you could spend? Yikes!). They did not decided whether I could buy a new car, rent a new apartment, get a dog, etc. None of them had the degree of influence in my life that my wife does simply because they were not my wife. Of course, if you are building a relationship with her that will become permanent then that is a different equation -- better get her approval because you are developing a partnership. My wife HAS every right to decide what I buy and how much I spend (and I with her). But there is no way I would allow a girlfriend that much say so in my life simply because the future of the relationship is undecided. Lucky for me, my wife recently let me buy a Laguna LT16HD bandsaw :-)
Edited 11/9/2006 12:11 am ET by pzaxtl
Hi everyone,
Just for the record, I plan on marrying this one, having kids, building the house with her... you get the idea. She's not a spender and the very reason that we have the tool discussion is that she has her mind set on getting the above mentioned future but we have different point of view's on how to get there. I want to build as much of it myself, she wants to save up and buy. Nevertheless I value her opinion. We have a relationship based on compromise, so I'll get my tools anyway. I just can't go on a shopping rampage. It's like I can buy a car without her approval but parking a new jaguar roadster in the driveway would be pushing it... I never imagine getting so many replies back about this not so serious question.
Have a good day,
Rehabhog.
How do you like the bandsaw? I considered that one but finally got a MM16. But don't have it up and running yet. Just to to busy.
So far, I absolutely love it. I haven't had it long enough to really put it through it's paces, but I keep thinking of building something simply so I can really use it. Unfortunately, I can't start anything until I finish taping the sheetrock in my daughters room which I remodeled. Oh well, soon enough...
I missed a lot of this thread, but have to mention that my wife and I have been married for 42 years and last spring at lunch I mentioned that I had just purchased 75 feeder steers. She said something like do you have to pick them up or they going to be delivered. The phone rang and she answered it and came back and I said I wanted to buy stuff for my wood shop, which amountedd to about $ 15. She jumped my case about how I am spending all this money in my shop and making no return, taking up time, etc. and what do we get out of it. If any of you are farmers, or been around a farm know that 75 feeders are a big expense and cant be compared to $15 of woodworking. Anyway, we cleared the air, still married, and have no idea why she questioned the $15, and not the feeder purchase. Oh yea, I did not buy glue and other stuff that day.
I haven't been married for 42 years - yet - but I've found that it is best to present my wife with one purchase at a time, particularly if it costs more than $50 (she doesn't generally resent my spending $15-$20 here and there on stuff). Timing is everything! We actually developed a good compromise regarding tool purchases. I take 10% of my paycheck and deposit it into a savings account that is reserved for my use (her name is on the account, too, so there is nothing shady in that). Most financial planners recommend that you pay yourself 10% out of every paycheck so she had no problem with that. When I have the funds saved up I can buy whatever tool I want/need (mostly want) and she is generally okay with that. She will balk if the tool I am buying is an "upgrade" because she doesn't understand that something you make always looks better when it is made on a tool costing twice as much as the previous one :-)
I was at a woodshow here in Quebec about 3 weeks ago, looking at a General table saw and jointer, talking with the General sales guy. My girlfriend kept saying "what are you waitng for? Just get it!" The sales guy must have been laughing. Anyways, she likes the "retro" look of the General "green"
What a great thread!
In my house, may methods are used. subterfuge my favorite!
My wife came to me about a year ago and said that I needed a shop, that I deserved one, and had really stuck to the woodworking hobby.
For christmas, Bday, Fday I always have tools on my list, but usually clamps, supplies etc.
I have sent her on a few Scrapbooking trips and Las Vegas trips with her girlfriend. She owes me a few woodworking trips this way.
Generally she outspends me 10 to 1. Her mother is a shopper and a horder, my wife a shopper and a collector. There is food in the back of the cupboard from when we moved.
I bought my tablesaw on a great bargain used, that one was right up front. My router was bought LONG ago right up front. My planer and jointer were proceeds from selling an engine I had in my garage. Dust collector was consulting income and a piece of "furniture" I made for the client to hold her rubber stamps.
My LN DT saw came back from a Rob Cosman class in Canada that was payback for some scrapbooking trips.
Most of my clamps were presents from above. Recently bought a used drill press (noisy as hell) that was pretty upfront. Similar response to the other fellow about "upgrades". I would upgrade it again if I thought I could get away with it. Want one of those new Delta's with the digital goodies.
My second router snuck in, haven't used it yet. Most of my planes arrived UPS at work. Most items just sneak in the garage now, but there are only a few tools I want more from here:
Sawstop
5hp dust collector
16/32 sander
12" disk 6"x48" belt combo
maybe a compound slide mitersaw
Jessem sliding table
few more planes
LOTS of lumber
The shop is close to getting it's floor (see 10:1 spending above).
And finally I have made more "things" for her to give away than I have for us.
Photos:
Don't need to justify tool purchases I just make sure to prepare the LOML by talking about it right up front off & on over several weeks or months(depending on how big the purchase is) while I save up the money to purchase the desired tool then mention it along with how I'll use it a little more often as the time draws near then start internet shopping & mentioning prices off & on as I find lower prices. Then when I have the money together she already knows about the purchase & I buy it. Real simple. Truth & preperation no sneaky sneaky here.
Just make a big deal everytime she buys ANOTHER pair of shoes or ANOTHER expensive dress. i bet her 1000 dollar a year shoe fetish dosent make her money. or you can say "this will last me 20 years, thats only 100 bucks a year."
of just use your fancy new tools to make a muzzle for her.
Tmaxxx
Urban Workshop Ltd
Vancouver B.C.
cheers. Ill buy.
This forum post is now archived. Commenting has been disabled