Rules For Men
1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
Replies
Delusions of Grander or an ego gone wild. ROFL. I posted a copy on my frig where my wife and two daughters (17 and 21) can read iit.
Dave in Pa.
This could probably go next to the other fridge posting. Enjoy!
How to Shower Like a Woman> >> > 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according> > to> > lights and darks> >> > 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband> > along> > the way, cover up any exposed areas.> >> > 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do> >> > more sit-ups> >> > 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long> > loofah,> > wide loofah, and pumice stone.> >> > 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added> > vitamins.> >> > 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.> >> > 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with> > natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.> >> > 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes> > until> > red.> >> > 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.> >> > 10. Rinse conditioner off hair.> >> > 11. Shave armpits and legs> >> > 12. Turn off shower> >> > 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with> > Tilex.> >> > 14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.> > Wrap> > hair in super absorbent towel.> >> > 15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.> >> > 16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.> >> > 17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.> >> >> > How To Shower Like a Man> >> > 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them> > in> > a pile.> >> > 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake> > wiener> > at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.> >> > 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your> > wiener and scratch your ass.> >> > 4. Get in the shower.> >> > 5. Wash your face> >> > 6. Wash your armpits> >> > 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.> >> > 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they> > sound> > in the shower.> >> > 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.> >> > 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.> >> > 11. Shampoo your hair.> >> > 12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.> >> > 13. Pee.> >> > 14. Rinse off and get out of shower.> >> > 15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain> > was> > hanging out of tub the whole time.> >> > 16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.> >> > 17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.> >> > 18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,> > pull> > off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.> >> > 19. Throw wet towel on bed.> >>>
Posted both on frig. Due to be shot at dawn by wife and 2 daughters (17 and 21) because they now know what those short hairs are stuck to the soap.
In a similar vein, I recieved this the other day
Damn, its good to be a man!
- Your last name stays put.- The garage is all yours.- Wedding plans take care of themselves.- Chocolate is just another snack.- You can be President.- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.- Car mechanics tell you the truth.- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.- The world is your urinal.- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky".- Same work.....more pay.- Wrinkles add character.- Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"- One mood, ALL the time.- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.- You know stuff about tanks.- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.- You can open all your own jars.- Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.- You can leave the motel bed unmade.- You can kill your own food.- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.- Everything on your face stays its original color.- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.- You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.- You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking:"He must be mad at me."- You don't mooch off other's desserts.- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.- You almost never have strap problems in public.- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.- You don't have to shave below your neck.- Your belly usually hides your big hips.- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Damn, it's good to be a man!
I am sitting here feeling very good about myself after reading that. My wife and sister had left the roof by the time I got a third of the way down through the list. The wife asked me if I found it funny and I LIED and told her no.Scott C. Frankland
Newfoundland Wood Worker
Yes Dear !!!!
Seen it before. Same response as first time. Thank you prospero for the ignore button.
Scott
< yawn >
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