Hey hey hey all you new woodworkers out there. FWW has created a great dictionary of woodworking terms for your referencing pleasure. But they don’t give you the whole story on some of these words. So, we’re having these fine expert forum contributors here to help you out with the REAL meanings. So here we begin ……
Table Saw – tool invented to stimulate passionate safety arguments amongst woodworkers
Norm Abrams – tooler invented to stimulate passionate arguments amongst woodworkers
Festool – German manufacturer who has created highly elaborate stackable boxes purported to sometimes contain tools
Outlay – what one does much of in regards to a Festool
Inlay – well duhhhh, the opposite of outlay
Lie-Nielsen – used to describe a forum thread that never ends
Joint – my guess is, what the guys on the LieNielsen thread have been enjoying
Chop Saw – short description of something you seen
Resawing – repeating a short description of something you seen, supposed related to old age, and possibly excessive use of a “Joint”
Dust – a material for which your spouse yells at you for bringing into the house
Wood Stripper – any person who must take action to maintain a marriage and not bring “Dust” into the house
Chop Saw, option 2 – what your spouse does to your allowance once she learns how much you spent to make the material you bring into the house
Nailer – any poster who has a really good come-back to a post
Shellac, shellacking – responses in any finishing thread, french in nature, performed by a “nailer”
Miter – describing something you’ve considered doing
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Well, boys and girls, those are the lessons for today. Tune in tomorrow for more real answers to all your woodworking wonderings.
Replies
Jointer - one who smokes for happiness.
ROS - "Right-on, Sonny", proclaimed by a 'jointer'.
OSS - Occasionally Simply Stupid; Often Seriously Stupid!
RAS - Really AM Stoopid!
10" flat bastard file - 1st cousin to that round, thick SOB
jointer plane - none of that perfumed stuff
smoother - a jointer in a singles bar.
Note: My generation doesn't even know what pot smells like!
Frosty
"I sometimes think we consider the good fortune of the early bird and overlook the bad fortune of the early worm." FDR - 1922
Edited 3/28/2008 3:29 pm ET by Jfrostjr
That's good. Keep 'em coming.
blew,
Quartersawn: I got tired using the handsaw 25% of the way thru that plank.
four-quarter lumber: I got that pile of boards for a dollar, at the sawmill.
Nail set: Small punch used to poke a series of holes into the wood around a finish nail.
Screwdriver: hand tool used to gouge the wood around a partially driven screw, just before you wring its head off, giving it that last 1/4 turn. Thrown across the shop, can be used to test the strength of window glass.
Block plane: Small hand tool used to "fine tune" (irreparably dub off) a miter cut. Alternatively, can be used to lift the veneer from plywood case ends while cutting face frames flush.
Wood chisel: Primarily used for opening paint cans, and scraping head gaskets from lawn mower engine blocks. Useful for tightening/removing screws, when screwdriver is somewhere out in the yard, other side of the broken window.
Glue bottle: Best known for falling over, and annointing priceless antique hand tools on the shelf under workbench.
Workbench: Receptacle for last weeks newspapers, leftover paint cans, and lawnmower engine parts. Alt: can be used for storage of woodworking project components for months on end.
Buffing wheel: Adjunct to woodworking, used to take highly polished brass hardware parts, and fling them across rough concrete floors and under dusty, cobwebby workbenches, never to be seen again.
Ray, not a jointer
I can see you are a true experienced and in-the-know woodworker, and I'm proud to know you!
Nail set: Small punch used to poke a series of holes into the wood around a finish nail.
HA HA HA! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks ;)
Lee (was a jointer in high school)
Lee,
Don't let him kid ya; he tells his clients they're worm holes!
Regards,Bob @ Kidderville Acres
A Woodworkers mind should be the sharpest tool in the shop!
Bob,
Now. I wouldn't mislead a customer that way. But, there was this one time that I glued up the base to a highboy, just before quitting time. When I got to the shop the next morning, a co-worker was looking at it. "Is that thing square?" Checked it, and the diagonals were 2" different. Holy $hit! Upon reflection, I decided that since the glue was dry, the legs were probably toast anyway, what is there to lose? And I put a pipe clamp across the long corners of the case, and slowly, slowly, started cranking. With much creaking and popping, the thing came into square, and a little beyond, without exploding. Before it could change its mind, I dovetailed a 3" wide, diagonal brace across the previously short corners, and released the clamp. When the customer came in the shop to check on his project's progress, of course he saw the brace, and laid his hand right on the blasted thing. "This is for strength, right?" he stated.
The customer is always right.
Ray
Ray,
I wouldn't mislead a customer that way.
I knew that and I'm sure you knew I was just pokin a bit at yall. And true to form you came back with another interesting tidbit. Thanks.
You know, I bet you could write a very interesting book about your experiences in woodworking. Would be an interesting side venture to your teaching career; just make sure to inject it with some helpins of your humor.
:>)
Regards,
Bob @ Kidderville Acres
A Woodworkers mind should be the sharpest tool in the shop!
Edited 4/1/2008 8:45 am ET by KiddervilleAcres
I like your dictionary, but your definition for tablesaw is wrong. It should read:
Tablesaw- a stationary power tool used for launching wood projectiles for the purpose of testing wall integrity.
Well, as many words, they have more than one definition. <g> Consider yours added to the list.
Top coat - keeps you warm when working in an unheated shop
Table saw (alternate) - see "table"
Floor - see "dust collector"
Wood stove - the universal solution to a project gone bad
Hammer - a tool with a heavy head and long handle used to beat one's thumb with. Also used to make "adjustments"
Slot screw - a fiendish device developed for testing the perseverance and determination of a handyman
Slot screwdriver - a flat-bladed instrument used to attempt driving slot screws and also impaling one's hand
Adjustable Bevel - used to convince your client that the out-of-square corners are actually square (set the tool to the angle, first)
Bandsaw - a saw in exile
Clothes iron - used in veneer work for spreading glue where it should not be
Microwave ove - used for heating coffee, drying wood, and putting tins of half-used finished in for entertainment
Finishing room - a place to get high without smoking
Tape measure - something every woodworker has dozens of but can never find. See also pencil.
Duct tape - a quick, easy, and secure method of fastening. Much more economical than Festool's Domino system
Slippery slope - what you engage when you acquire a router, hand plane, or other tool which facilitates the acquisition of other accessories or models
Brace - what you do when you tell the missus of your latest powertool acquisition
Rolling pin - what the missus askes you to make when you buy another, bigger lathe. See also "baseball bat"
Irritant - a client
Hazard - everything
Face shield - one's hand
Ear protection - one's forefingers
Respirator - one's shirt
Chris @ flairwoodworks
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Screw remover -- tool designed to insert into a stuck screw before breaking off. Usually hard enough to resist any known drilling bit, thus making it a permanent fixture.Resaw -- operation when you discover you forgot to add back that inch, took inside rather than outside measure, or other failure not repairable with a board stretcher.Belt sander -- Portable tool designed to dig gouges in solid wood and sand through veneer.Pneumatic nail -- fastener designed to hold pieces "until the glue dries" Often know to veer off course and come out an adjacent side. Especially helpful on chair joints.Raised panel -- insert into a frame and panel door designed to display part of a biscuit that would normally be hidden.Gorilla Glue -- substance known to produce foam at all joints before blowing them apart. Also a good way to get 2 week stains on your skin.Super Glue -- Substance to glue your fingertips together while trying to hold a joint for 60 seconds.Polyurethane -- the universal finish. Why use anything else?Shop-vac -- ear piercing device used to pick up lost parts. Also used periodically to remove sawdust from floor just before starting up router for next project.Thermo-feedback-wife -- Spouse who comes into the barely heated shop after you've been working all day and says, "Boy, it's cold in here."Woodworking Club -- Place for old geezers to gather and tell lies. Mis-matched flannel plaids and hearing aids required.
Edited 3/29/2008 9:28 pm ET by byhammerandhand
Good ones!
Well, why stop now?
Water stones: decorative rocks found in water features such as ponds
Diamond stones: jewlery for the missus - Diamonds are forever!
Extension cord: connects between a wall outlet and a portable power tool to get within 6" of where it needs to be
Ceiling: a good place to suspend glass jars containing pokey nails and screws
Vice: something we all have (note spelling)Chris @ flairwoodworks
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Now we're on a roll!
A few more.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say....."Oh sh--!!!"
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touchup jobs into major refinishing projects
.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conductor of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity and operator reflexes/dodging capabilities.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering a carriage/automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS:
A tool for removing all types of wood splinters (see EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4) and wire wheel debris.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in Bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
RADIAL ARM SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare beginners into choosing another line of work.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
TROUBLE LIGHT:
The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin), which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-
watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105 mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR:
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusted bolts which were last over-tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, And rubber or plastic parts.
NOTE: Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT!!" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the Next tool that you will need.
The Professional Termite
Outstanding, especially the Skil Saw. LMAO
man, you stole that I was about to post that list
forgot this
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
There's enough youth in this world, how 'bout a fountain of SMART??!!
Edited 4/10/2008 11:15 pm ET by andyfew322
I can tell that you have lived a full life!Frosty"I sometimes think we consider the good fortune of the early bird and overlook the bad fortune of the early worm." FDR - 1922
Brain---usually left somewhere between home and work, or in the yard between house and shop.
" It's like you have concentrate the WHOLE time"
Cheers,Phil."If 'tis to be,'twil be done by me."
Hey you chaps,
Have just found & finished readling the Dictionary of Wood working according to its practitioners. What a hoot!
And there I was thinking I was the only clown this side of the Meridian that these sorts of things happened to....
Robin
....
I have just one to add, which I am sure will be new to the American Dictionary:
The Foncopulation- this is something anyone can make in his shop at any time using either hand tools or machines, but machines are faster and will make the biggest ones. Should go down well in Texas, ah beeleive.
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