Replies

1. 
   flyfisher111 | Feb 12, 2022 12:00pm | #1

   I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I was warped, but learned I was board.

   I tried to hammer it home and drill it into their heads but they didn’t see it at awl. I thought I nailed but nobody saw it.

   I thought it would be poplar, but I guess I was going against the grain, so i guess I’ll just pine away.

2. 
   Rob_Sp | Feb 12, 2022 12:09pm | #2

   Oldie

   
3. 
   user-2450400 | Feb 12, 2022 01:19pm | #3

   The plane unvarnished truth is that he wants to start a splinter group.

4. 
   mikefm101 | Feb 12, 2022 01:29pm | #4

   The best lumber for angled joinery comes from the geometry.

   When choosing a project to build don’t try to bite off more than you can hew (credit to Roy Underhill)

   Mike

5. 
   jareed | Feb 12, 2022 01:59pm | #5

   Roy Underhill, when asked about stopping the draw knife as you pull it towards your chest on a shaving horse said "Have I ever told you about my half Brother"....

6. 
   thebardowl | Feb 12, 2022 02:12pm | #6

   Years ago, a woodworking neighbor, Myron, got drunk one evening after ruining a half-blind mitered dovetail joint when nearly completed, on his last piece of antique reclaimed Brazilian rosewood. Once fully inebriated, Myron pulled his old Army Colt 1911 out a drawer and started blasting away at his tool chest. After the shooting stopped and the smoke cleared, Myron’s friends Joe and Wilbur helped him clean up. Sorting through the tool chest, they were amazed that most of the tools came through unscathed, except for Myron’s try square, which was more or less destroyed by its interactions with a couple of slugs.

   Joe grunted and held it up for Wilbur to see. “Look at this. It’s a goner.”

   Wilbur responded, “Huh. I’m not surprised. Myron’s always been a square shooter.”

   Joe pointed to the bent square. “And I’m pretty sure we can call this a .45-decreed angle.”

1. 
   curmudgeon | Feb 23, 2022 07:44pm | #12

   🤓

7. 
   mikaol | Feb 12, 2022 07:19pm | #7

   Another oldie - I cut it twice and, damn, its still too short. I spent a fortune on a new-fangled board stretcher only to find out it was last year's model. No wonder it doesn't work on new wood.

8. 
   elmaduro | Feb 12, 2022 11:23pm | #8

   ..

   
9. 
   john_c2 | Feb 13, 2022 04:33am | #9

   ..

   
1. 
   curmudgeon | Feb 23, 2022 07:45pm | #13

   Priceless

10. 
    jharveyb | Feb 17, 2022 10:32pm | #10

    I hope this one is viewable. It's been on my tool cabinet for years...

    
11. 
    beasleysevin | Feb 18, 2022 05:46pm | #11

    I respect the environment, but if you see me hugging a tree I am estimating board feet.

1. 
   rob_ss | Feb 24, 2022 03:32am | #15

   So true... Every time I see a straight tree, I can't help but think if it would make nice boards!

12. 
    rob_ss | Feb 24, 2022 03:31am | #14

    She was going to marry a woodworker, but was a bit plane. Even so, one thing led to another and they dovetailed nicely - it was a bit of a domino effect really. Everyone thought he was a few biscuits short of a tin, and that his chiseled good looks would be too much of a contrast but they figured it out in the end. It helped that she had a massive shavings account.

    And an adaptation of an oldie:

    A pine board went into a pub and tried to order a drink.
    The landlord looked it up and down and said "we don't serve boards here, so hop it..."
    Dejected the board went home and looked in the mirror. It took a chisel to where a branch had once grown on the tree, and made a tousled headpiece from it.
    Trying it's luck again, the board heads up to the bar and the landlord looks it up and down - "Here, ain't you that pine board I chucked out a while back?"
    "No sir", says the board "I'm a frayed knot..."

13. 
    _mj_ | Feb 24, 2022 08:22am | #16

    Groan... the OP was right, not alot of woodworking humor out there!